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Monthly Archives: February 2009

Löbrau Beer – Futurama

The Beer of Choice for Those That Don’t Care

Bender: Ahh, beer. So many choices, and it makes so little difference.
Fry: How about Löbrau? It has dots on it.

Futurama is quite possibly my favorite show, and if I could live in the year 3000 I’d be drinking Löbrau Beer. Not quite as ubiquitous as Duff Beer, Löbrau is the most popular beer on New Earth.

Bender Lobrau Beer

What We Know

Löbrau is seen in various episodes of Futurama, most often in the hands of Fry and Bender while they sit in front of the TV. Pronounced “low brow,” Leela mentions that the beer is Canadian in one episode. Other than that, there is little known about the brew.

Löbrau is a slight parody of the name Löwenbräu, a 600 year old German beer whose name means lion’s brew. I doubt the writers are knocking the real beer. The obvious comedy is in the name “low brow.”

Advertising Campaign

We’re never given a slogan for this product, but I’d imagine one of the following fit.

  • The beer of choice for those that don’t care about beer.
  • Grip it! Chug it! Love it!
  • When your thirst is big, but your wallet isn’t.
  • Big on flavor! Lö on thought!
  • “Too Lö!” – Endorsed by Zapp Brannigan.

Some may think that LöBrau may have a big ad campaign like Duff Beer. It’s much more likely that the beer survives on a small ad budget, and uses word of mouth among young chuggers everywhere, like Natural Light. In all my years of drinking beer and scanning the Liquor Barn’s seeming endless rows of micro brews I have never seen a big Natural Light display. Ever seen a ‘Natty Light’ superbowl commercial? No, but you’ve been to plenty of parties with plenty of Natural Light. One sign that says “Natural Light – $9.99 per case” is enough advertising. LöBrau is in the same vein and price point.

Taste (or lack thereof) and Appearance

LöBrau has a typical cheap beer color, yellow with lots of bubbles. There isn’t much of an aroma, at least from the beer, but there is plenty of aroma from its drinkers.

LöBrau is exactly what I expected when I imagine tasting it. It didn’t give me a lot to think about. LöBrau has a thin, watery bitter taste with little hops and a light but still bitter finish. The taste is highlighted by way too much carbonation.

Menu Suggestions

I’ve found that LöBrau tastes great with Popplers, Gobbler Weiners, or Bachelor Chow with Angry Norwegian Anchovies.

The Rundown

  • Category: MACRO Brew
  • Taste (20): 4 – It’s cheap beer.
  • Ad Campaign (10): 3 – It relies on its price point rather things like advertising or flavor.
  • Realism (10): 9 – There’s a lot out there like this.
  • WNI (10): 0 – Do we really need to crowd out Old Milwaukee and Natural Light?

Final Meaningless Score – 16 – Drink Slurm instead.

More Info

List of Futurama Products

Upcoming Reviews

I hope to get some Olde Fortran and Pabst Blue Robot in the spring. I’m currently working through a trademark dispute with Sam Adam’s Head Boston Lager so I had to pull that review.

 
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Posted by on February 26, 2009 in Animated, Macro Brews, Reviews

 

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Duff & Duff Lite

Can’t Get Enough of that Wonderful Duff!

For my first real review I’ll start with the biggest brew of them all, Duff, and it’s low-cal alternative Duff Lite. Duff is of course the choice of Homer Simpson and most residents of Springfield, USA.

Similar Real Beers

Duff Man will never die! (Only the actor that plays him will.)

Duff Man will never die! (Only the actor that plays him will.)

The Simpsons has used the brew to poke fun at a number of beer brewers, but it is most assuredly a parody on Anheuser-Busch’s Budweiser and Bud Light. There is Duff Gardens, Duff Man, a Duff dog (think Spudz McKenzie), and enough Duff merchandise to fill several craters on the moon.

Duff is cheap, watery, and non-distinct; a typical American lager. Light yellow in color, with little bouquet, little taste, and a slightly bitter finish.

Duff Lite is in a slightly different can.

Any good Simpsons fan will remember the Duff Brewery tour that featured seperate Duff and Duff Lite (and Duff Dry, but that’s another article) vats that all connected to a single pipe before bottling. In other words it’s all the same crappy beer, and the choice of nearly everyone.

Target Audience

Males 15-80.

If you can drink Duff wants you in their world. Of course their world is the even more fictional world where super models are climbing fences in middle-class neighborhoods to party with 30-something father of two with a beer gut.

Ad Campaign

Duff Man and his legion of buxom beer maids are ready to party with you! They are also ready to fire Duff merchandise out of a cannon, drink with a pit bull, salute the troops, remember the veterans, celebrate America, kickoff the Superbowl, sponsor NASCAR, or be the thrown beer of choice at the next NBA game.

You’ll notice I’ve spent more time talking about the Duff image than I have Duff beer. Duff prefers it that way.

Duff vs. Reality

Duff is just another macro-brew like Budweiser, Coors, or Miller, so I can’t see much room for it in reality. Just replace the word ‘Bud’ with ‘Duff’ and you have it already.

The Rundown

  • Category: MACRO Brew – The biggest of the big
  • Taste (20): 5 – Meh. It’s beer.
  • Ad Campaign (10): 10 – Because of Duff Man alone
  • Realism (10): 10 – Sad, but true
  • WNI (10): 1

Final Meaningless Score – 26 -Average, just like Duff.

More Info

Duff on Wikipedia
The Simpsons Wiki

I would like to note that some brewers have made and sold real versions of Duff from The Simpsons. Also there is a canned energy drink made to look very similar to Duff beer.

Upcoming Reviews

I’m reserving Duff Dry and the many other Duff micro brews for another article. Anything that asks you to “Tap into the peppermint glacier” has got to have it’s own moment.

 
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Posted by on February 25, 2009 in Animated, Macro Brews, Reviews

 

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Assessing the Unassessable (and other things you can’t say after too much beer)

How This Works

To judge and assess beers that don’t exist in reality I had to come up with some criteria. There’s the obvious ways of imagining what the beer would taste, smell, or look like, and then applying real world results. But before we get that far we don’t have advertising, store displays, and drinking buddy’s-uncle’s-friend’s second-hand opinion to bias our judgment before the first swig of mead. For better or worse, this does affect the real beers we choose and love to swill.

Categorizing Fictional Beer

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First off I’ll put every beer into one of three categories: macro brews, micro brews, and “ad campaign brews” . The first two are obvious, but the last is reserved for those beers produced by the big companies, but given a micro brew advertising blitz to make you think it’s special. This isn’t far off reality.

Traditional Measures

I’m not a pro-beer taster, but I’m above average at drinking it. I don’t know all the little subtleties brewmasters seek, but there are some clear elements to judge in any beer. Therefore I’ll imagine what the beer looks, smells, tastes, and finishes, as well as food pairings.

Untraditional Measures

Since I’m looking at fictional brews there are some things that are taken for granted in reality that I will need to assess.

  • Closest to what real beer(s)
  • Target demographic
  • Could this beer be real?
  • Would we drink it if it was real?

Meaningless Points System

Four stars, 12 thumbs up, five point seven-three, A++++

Here’s my meaningless system of scoring things that don’t exist.

  • 20 possible points for Taste.
  • 10 possible points for advertising and marketing strategy
  • 10 possible points for Realism
  • 10 possible points for WNI

Taste is determined by figuring out what the beer tastes like based on what can be surmised from its appearance in media.

Advertising and Marketing usually doesn’t mean much to beer purists (like myself), so I’ve included it in my reviews.

Realism is a carefully calculated algorithm that measures the beer’s similarity to real beers.

WNI is an estimation of the real world’s need for this product.

A score of 50 means the universe cannot progress until this is brewed. Zero means the universe may end if someone brews this up. Oddly enough though the most realistic beers score around 25.

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2009 in Site Info

 

Beer = Life + 1 Louder

What’s more fun than beer?

Well, many things really, but beer sure does put an exclamation point on whatever you’re doing. It makes happiness happier, parties party harder, sadness sadder, and unemployment less dignified.

A Beer before bed...

Beer has been a part of human society since Ephrates and the boys knocked off after another day of slavin’ on the Pyramids. Ancient Greeks, Romans, Shakespeare, Sir Francis Bacon, and America’s founding fathers all had comments on beer. It’s been in the middle of social change from Martin Luther discussing the Protestant beliefs late on Saturday evenings (That’s why Protestants go to church later than Catholics), to Hitler building the Nazi party.

Beer is tasted in all sorts of literature. Beer is chronicled in periodicals, and studied in doctoral thesis, and reviewed in foodie sundries around the world and now on the web. But has anyone ever tasted, tested, chronicled, reported, and discussed the finer points of imaginary beer??!! Yep. I’m doing it now.

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2009 in Site Info

 

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